want no fighting and you know how bitches are when they're drunk-he let everybody be what they wanted as long as the drag held out. So we had five Queen Mothers-Paul always was queer for those old velvet gowns with trainsand six or seven Ophelias, which was easier cause they just took the gauze and divided it and wafted it about, all doing the mad scene at once and screaming "Get thee to a nunnery you bitch" at each other. The famous English actor was Hamlet, of course, 'cept instead of tights just on the legs he had tights all overan acrobats outfit, it was, skin tight. And that basket! Don't know if the bitch had padded it or not. So of course everybody was coming over to him and making speeches so they could paw him all over, fore and aft. He was quite a doll in those early days, and still got that fabulous voice, of course.

Well, then all of a sudden the lights went out, all over the house, 'cept some little ones on the Christmas tree, and I heard some whispering. Then I heard old Paul's voice boom out SILENCE! and then he stomped three times on the floor.

Then, in a minute-jeez, I'll never forget it, I get goosepimples now just talking about it from out of the darkness behind and above us came this fabulous voice-gawd, I'll never forget thinking how it was like a pipe organ. TO BE OR NOT TO BE. We all swiveled around. And there at the top of that huge staircase were three lights. It was the famous actor-buck naked-holding a candle in each hand and the other was stuck up his rear end.

You know, I think some people don't believe me when I tell them nobody laughed. Hell! You could have heard a pin drop!

Down he came that huge staircase, slow, a step at a time, giving that speech, right down the line. The most fabulous thing I have ever heard in my life. He ended up right in front of the Christmas tree, and when he ended the speech, there was this dead silence, like everybody was trying to get an echo. Then quick-like he doused his three candles and there was complete darkness, then the damndest applause you ever heard.

Well, old Paul, the old bag, yeessiree, he was a camp! It was at that same party that he met Motorcycle Jim. That was in the days when so many queens didn't go for this butch act with the leather and motorcycle. Did he tellya about Motorcycle Jim? No? Well, it's a long story, a long sad story, and I wouldn't have time to tell it to you now. Maybe next time. Poor Paul! That was his downfall, not only money but his health, and that first time Motorcycle Jim disappeared with that truckdriver, that's when the poor thing's hair started falling out. Gawd, what a sad story. Then that stabbing. Awful sad.

There! How's that? Man! You sure don't have to go cruising around in any

dim light with your looks. Jeez, what a figure!

Nope! Nossirree! Don't take out your wallet! Nossirree. Tellya what I'm gonna do. With a few special customers, I always give the first treatment free. Absolutely free, yessirree.

Here, let me help you with that coat. Whew! Man!

Say-uh-mind if I ask you something? You won't get mad? I mean-wellnow, you promise not to get mad? Just say no, if you want. Well-you ever go for older men?

No. So okay, okay. That's what I like, a man that speaks his mind. Yessirree. Good. You're grinning, so I can tell you didn't get mad. Good boy, that's what I like, a good-natured boy.

Okay. So, now I want you and that hair back here in two weeks or less. Your old mother is an artist. Promise? Okay.

And say. Tell Paul hello, willya? Good old Paul, that old bag. What a camp!